Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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