If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
