Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
