worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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