goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
