I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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