she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
