Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
