The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
