I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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