why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
