He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
