My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Watching her eat just hurts me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
