my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize