i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
