just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
