Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
