If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
