I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
