So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
