WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
