my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
