"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
