At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
