I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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