Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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