so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
