She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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