guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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