I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
