Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
