I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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