You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
