He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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