Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
