The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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