Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
