i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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