I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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