apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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