Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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