plz talk dirty to me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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