so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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