if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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