so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
