Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
