No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
