just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
