i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bring money and cleavage
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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