thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
