I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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