you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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