I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
